...and now I can dance the last few hundred metres too!
I finally got a new iPod, and this time it's a classic, so it'll last, plus it has basically everything I own on it - Groovy.
Anyway, to matters at hand - I finish semester in near enough 2 weeks, and the pressure is seriously on. I have to make a book, the frame of which will hopefully be entirely twisted, as a reflection of the notions of tormenting, manipulation and nagging referred to in my chosen novel, "An Essay on the Art of Tormenting" by Jane Collier.
I have to a whole butt-load of preparation for it tomorrow - In fact, I basically need to absolutely decide on what it's going to look like and how it will be built, because it needs to look really good, and if I haven't started to build by Monday, it'll be rushed. Research, as always, is boring as stripping wallpaper and ultimately not as helpful. If I don't do enough, though, then my final solution has to be utterly perfect, because its a 50/50 marking scheme. I'm sure it'll pan out OK.
Well, not sure, but you get the idea.
I'm ready for term to be over.
'tonm. xx
Book of the Moment: "Moab is My Washpot" by Stephen Fry
Song of the Moment: "Creepy Crawl" by Be Your Own Pet
Thursday, 1 May 2008
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
Behind you is a long and winding canyon...
... which I have only just crawled out of. I apologise to the one or two people who have had one less web-page to waste their time reading.
As it happens, my reasons for being out of action are not in any way sinister or distressing - On the contrary, I have been occupied with matters of great interest and worth.
And suddenly, I have lost all inspiration to write any more.
Apologies again. I shall try harder tomorrow perhaps?
'tonm. xx
As it happens, my reasons for being out of action are not in any way sinister or distressing - On the contrary, I have been occupied with matters of great interest and worth.
And suddenly, I have lost all inspiration to write any more.
Apologies again. I shall try harder tomorrow perhaps?
'tonm. xx
Sunday, 2 March 2008
Creative Block...
...and this time it's heavy.
I get this pretty much annually, around this quiet time of the year. It takes a massive toll on everything I try to do, for pleasure or out of necessity. I can spend days doing absolutely nothing and still feel nothing click. I can sit with all my tools round me and get no flicker of an idea. I even try going minimalist, locking myself in a room with nothing but a biro and a notebook. Still no lyrics, no images, no development of work, no plans, no communication - The wall.
Basically I'm in this place and I can't do anything to shift the car onward. My acoustic guitar strings are broke, I'm not enjoying my current Uni project, I have commissions I keep forgetting about and, at the end of all things, I just don't care about anything but the creative and communicative, both of which are on hold.
I'm jamming with a mate on Tuesday - Maybe that'll spark me back up. Until then, it's blues all the way.
'tonm. xx
(Can't be bothered with this stuff today.)
I get this pretty much annually, around this quiet time of the year. It takes a massive toll on everything I try to do, for pleasure or out of necessity. I can spend days doing absolutely nothing and still feel nothing click. I can sit with all my tools round me and get no flicker of an idea. I even try going minimalist, locking myself in a room with nothing but a biro and a notebook. Still no lyrics, no images, no development of work, no plans, no communication - The wall.
Basically I'm in this place and I can't do anything to shift the car onward. My acoustic guitar strings are broke, I'm not enjoying my current Uni project, I have commissions I keep forgetting about and, at the end of all things, I just don't care about anything but the creative and communicative, both of which are on hold.
I'm jamming with a mate on Tuesday - Maybe that'll spark me back up. Until then, it's blues all the way.
'tonm. xx
(Can't be bothered with this stuff today.)
Monday, 25 February 2008
There's potential! There really is...
...I've seen it!
So it's Sunday. I'm unbearably tired, I'm a little bit down and I have to get on a train.
Thing is, I'm going somewhere good... Southampton to see my sister, Becky, as it happens. This isn't just your regular hang-out though; we're only going to see The Go! Team play at the Student Union, aren't we?
IT WAS INSANE.
Support acts existed, but they passed with no notable features to them; I suppose the huge, layered screaming chaos of the Micra Girls has been logged away in the back of my head somewhere, but I think everybody in the room was there with the same direction in mind - To grin and dance.
So, at half-past something, the lights disappear and the band bounce out onto the stage, fully aware that they are about to blow our balls off, and tear open the set with "The Power Is On". After that, it's just a blur of noise, smiling and more dancing than I have seen happen in any one place in England in my entire life.
The key thing is this - Everyone's dancing because they want to dance. They're not all responding to alcohol or drugs and they're not trying to grind against a potential one night stand, they're just bloody goin' at it, takin' that sound and throwin' 'emselves all about the floor, loving every moment. There we're nutters on both sides of me, all of us screaming and singing and gettin' down.
THAT is what a gig should be. Not a fashion show, not a period of time in which to cry and feel bummed out, but a section of life that is tattooed into your memories forever as containing nothing but absolute joy and smiles.
Best gig I've ever been to, and I was watching Led Zeppelin about 2.5 months ago.
'tonm. xx
Book of the Moment: Eric Clapton: The Auto-biography, p149
Song of the Moment: "The Wrath of Marcie" by The Go! Team
So it's Sunday. I'm unbearably tired, I'm a little bit down and I have to get on a train.
Thing is, I'm going somewhere good... Southampton to see my sister, Becky, as it happens. This isn't just your regular hang-out though; we're only going to see The Go! Team play at the Student Union, aren't we?
IT WAS INSANE.
Support acts existed, but they passed with no notable features to them; I suppose the huge, layered screaming chaos of the Micra Girls has been logged away in the back of my head somewhere, but I think everybody in the room was there with the same direction in mind - To grin and dance.
So, at half-past something, the lights disappear and the band bounce out onto the stage, fully aware that they are about to blow our balls off, and tear open the set with "The Power Is On". After that, it's just a blur of noise, smiling and more dancing than I have seen happen in any one place in England in my entire life.
The key thing is this - Everyone's dancing because they want to dance. They're not all responding to alcohol or drugs and they're not trying to grind against a potential one night stand, they're just bloody goin' at it, takin' that sound and throwin' 'emselves all about the floor, loving every moment. There we're nutters on both sides of me, all of us screaming and singing and gettin' down.
THAT is what a gig should be. Not a fashion show, not a period of time in which to cry and feel bummed out, but a section of life that is tattooed into your memories forever as containing nothing but absolute joy and smiles.
Best gig I've ever been to, and I was watching Led Zeppelin about 2.5 months ago.
'tonm. xx
Book of the Moment: Eric Clapton: The Auto-biography, p149
Song of the Moment: "The Wrath of Marcie" by The Go! Team
Monday, 18 February 2008
Everything...
...is flying around above my head, and some of it is out to get me irritated while the rest are making me smile.
I think there's change coming. A lot of change. Summer is going to be a significant period of time for me and my family, probably for the world! I just get that feeling... I guess it's because last year was so unfeasibly BAD that this year has some work to do to make up for its terrible performance.
I don't know. At the moment, stuff is still utter crud, but here and there coffee tastes better and I feel full of energy and the sun seems to be getting ready for a good long haul in a few months time. There's an air of potential. I suppose it's just a matter of seeing what comes of it all?
In other news, I'm listening to Radio 1 for the first time in ages, and I'm really bummed that music's got to this place. I mean, I can see why it matches our culture and all; I suppose that's my biggest problem. I'm so out of sync that the only artists that appeal to me are out of the loop too. Right now I'm being put through some Simian Mobile Disco and it's lost all of its flavour. 3 years ago they were revolutionary, but now everybody seems to be singing from the same hymn book, you know? I guess the next change will drag us away from all this. Hopefully. Beirut... give them the time of day - They're at least heading in the right direction. Jeremy Warmsley! Come on! We have real geniuses like him underneath all the flashing lights and drum machines.
Just... no-one ask me out to rave. Or go to a student pub. Or go anywhere with a radio. Ah well.
'tonm. xx
Book of the Moment: Eric Clapton - The Autobiography, p.111
Song of the Moment: "Sunrise" by Norah Jones
I think there's change coming. A lot of change. Summer is going to be a significant period of time for me and my family, probably for the world! I just get that feeling... I guess it's because last year was so unfeasibly BAD that this year has some work to do to make up for its terrible performance.
I don't know. At the moment, stuff is still utter crud, but here and there coffee tastes better and I feel full of energy and the sun seems to be getting ready for a good long haul in a few months time. There's an air of potential. I suppose it's just a matter of seeing what comes of it all?
In other news, I'm listening to Radio 1 for the first time in ages, and I'm really bummed that music's got to this place. I mean, I can see why it matches our culture and all; I suppose that's my biggest problem. I'm so out of sync that the only artists that appeal to me are out of the loop too. Right now I'm being put through some Simian Mobile Disco and it's lost all of its flavour. 3 years ago they were revolutionary, but now everybody seems to be singing from the same hymn book, you know? I guess the next change will drag us away from all this. Hopefully. Beirut... give them the time of day - They're at least heading in the right direction. Jeremy Warmsley! Come on! We have real geniuses like him underneath all the flashing lights and drum machines.
Just... no-one ask me out to rave. Or go to a student pub. Or go anywhere with a radio. Ah well.
'tonm. xx
Book of the Moment: Eric Clapton - The Autobiography, p.111
Song of the Moment: "Sunrise" by Norah Jones
Sunday, 10 February 2008
I am fully aware, now, of how selfish i've been...
...and I'm desperately sorry.
I spend a lot of time talking to those around me about how I need to find the person who's head is in the same place as mine; When I go off on strange tangents and rants, I always feel as though there's just a general detachment from everyone around me, like those who're listening are smiling sweetly to humour me, secretly disregarding everything I say.
The fact of the matter is, my mad quest to find that mysterious person who will come with me on those journeys into "new plains of perception and thought" is causing rifts between me and all the friends I actually have right now.
Who cares if the people I know and love aren't similar to me in that respect? They're still marvellous, interesting people worth spending time knowing and talking to, and I need to get it into my thick head that anything that's meant to happen will, so for now I should appreciate what it is that I have for certain.
I apologise, therefore, to anyone I've ever burdened with crazed ideas of new, 'more desirable' friendships and wish to reassure you that your friendship is everything to me - the connections I share now are the ones keeping me smiling.
'tonm. xx
Book of the Moment: "Eric Clapton: The Autobiography" by Eric Clapton, p.37
Song of the Moment: "Life's a Long Song" by Jethro Tull
I spend a lot of time talking to those around me about how I need to find the person who's head is in the same place as mine; When I go off on strange tangents and rants, I always feel as though there's just a general detachment from everyone around me, like those who're listening are smiling sweetly to humour me, secretly disregarding everything I say.
The fact of the matter is, my mad quest to find that mysterious person who will come with me on those journeys into "new plains of perception and thought" is causing rifts between me and all the friends I actually have right now.
Who cares if the people I know and love aren't similar to me in that respect? They're still marvellous, interesting people worth spending time knowing and talking to, and I need to get it into my thick head that anything that's meant to happen will, so for now I should appreciate what it is that I have for certain.
I apologise, therefore, to anyone I've ever burdened with crazed ideas of new, 'more desirable' friendships and wish to reassure you that your friendship is everything to me - the connections I share now are the ones keeping me smiling.
'tonm. xx
Book of the Moment: "Eric Clapton: The Autobiography" by Eric Clapton, p.37
Song of the Moment: "Life's a Long Song" by Jethro Tull
Monday, 4 February 2008
The deep breath inwards...
... keeps me grinning, even after 4 hours of sleep and all the shrouds of darkness and sadness and idiocy all around everything. I know that there is potential in everything an everyone, and it makes me smile like a fool.
That's not to say it kills all of he problems - they sit there, stubborn, moving for no-one, and we have to tiptoe around them and clamber over the tops of their massive frames. Somewhere though, amongst all this, there is a feeling of positivity - An aura of inexorable change up ahead. Emanating from deep within the canyons under the problems is the next step, slowly creeping out, ready to shake this situation to pieces and set my family on a new course.
I just need God to keep my Mum upright. All of us are suffering, but her most. She sees some days through permanent darkness, never stopping to relax, always working to keep on top of all of the responsibilities and fears she's now lumped with. She's so string, but she certainly doest feel it. She's battered but not beaten, and I need her to feel encouraged until the change comes.
The loneliness is the worst part, easily. It kills us all. I'm one to suffer it quite badly, but I inherited that want for contact with people from Mum. She aspires only to share life with those around her, and now the nights are impossible.
I love her, and I want to be there for her all the time, but it isn't the same.
'tonm. xx
Book of the Moment: Anything with beauty in its words, I suppose.
Song of the Moment: "Blind" by Reana
That's not to say it kills all of he problems - they sit there, stubborn, moving for no-one, and we have to tiptoe around them and clamber over the tops of their massive frames. Somewhere though, amongst all this, there is a feeling of positivity - An aura of inexorable change up ahead. Emanating from deep within the canyons under the problems is the next step, slowly creeping out, ready to shake this situation to pieces and set my family on a new course.
I just need God to keep my Mum upright. All of us are suffering, but her most. She sees some days through permanent darkness, never stopping to relax, always working to keep on top of all of the responsibilities and fears she's now lumped with. She's so string, but she certainly doest feel it. She's battered but not beaten, and I need her to feel encouraged until the change comes.
The loneliness is the worst part, easily. It kills us all. I'm one to suffer it quite badly, but I inherited that want for contact with people from Mum. She aspires only to share life with those around her, and now the nights are impossible.
I love her, and I want to be there for her all the time, but it isn't the same.
'tonm. xx
Book of the Moment: Anything with beauty in its words, I suppose.
Song of the Moment: "Blind" by Reana
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